WHAT IS SAFETY

When we talk about safety, we are not talking about feeling calm, relaxed, and comfortable. As humans, we are looking for safety and will make choices that get us closer to that and further away from threat or danger. Safety does not always translate to “feeling good” and does not always guarantee that someone is calm or relaxed when experiencing a sense of safety.  

For some feeling anxious, scared, dysregulated, or angry might feel like a safer option. If you have never had experiences where you felt safe while in a state of calm or contentment then it may be more natural for you to access a sense of safety by being in a chaotic environment or connecting to feelings of anger or anxiety. For some trying to connect with feelings of calm can be terrifying and what may be relaxing for some could be dysregulating for others. This is often why individuals who have a history of complex trauma find mindfulness and grounding exercises uncomfortable and even triggering.

Learning how to develop a sense of safety can take time, so it is important to be patient with yourself. The time it takes to develop a sense of safety depends on a factor o things including your own personality, past life experiences, and trauma history. Generally, the more complex the trauma, the more time it may take to develop a sense of safety. It is important to remember that everyone reacts to trauma differently and there is not “right” or “wrong” way to feel, think, or response. Your responses are all normal reactions to abnormal events.