During sessions I will regularly ask clients about what brought them to my office and so many times I get a response that is along the lines of “I just want to be happy”. That is an understandable desire. A wish to simply to be happy. Many of us believe that once we figure out the secret to being happy no matter what then we will no longer experience any pain and suffering. For those who have experienced significant pain in their lives, I can completely understand the pursuit to chase eternal happiness.

When we faced with a challenge or problem in life, our first impulse is to try and fix the situation. We don’t usually think about accepting things as they are because that can feel like giving up in a way. In certain situations however our struggle to accept things as they are can lead to further suffering. This is where the DBT skill of radical acceptance comes in. Radical acceptance is a DBT distress tolerance skill, it is a skill meant to help us cope with painful situation and/or emotions, without having to suffer for a prolonged period of time.

Let me begin by stating something many of us already know, relationships are not easy and require hard work and effort. This can be a shock because growing up we are sold the myth the once we find “the one”, we will walk away into the sunset, hand in hand, and so begins the happily ever after. It was “meant to be” and you’re in love, so it should be easy, right? Right?!?! Nope.

Our emotions guide us through life and when we learn to trust our emotions we have a better sense of self and we are better able to navigate challenges. It is an important skill to learn to validate our own emotions, and this is something that so many people have a hard time with. Think about a time you told yourself that you were overacting or that your being “silly” for getting upset or angry. We often berate ourselves and put ourselves down when we experience challenging and distressing emotions. We can also invalidate positive emotions, which tends to happen when we have a core belief that we do not deserve to feel good or we are not worthy of positive things.

Anxiety is a normal and healthy emotion that we all experience at different levels throughout our lives. Anxiety Disorders on the other hand are a serious mental health issue and those who have Anxiety Disorders experiences such intense levels of anxiety that it interferes with their personal life, professional life, and social life. Those who struggle with anxiety experience different types of “sticky thinking”. Sticky thoughts are the thoughts that keep us stuck in our feelings of anxiety and can impact our behaviours as we try to rid ourselves of these distressing thoughts.

“People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.” – Brene Brown

Guess what? Your therapist goes to therapy. I’ve recently started going to therapy again and I’ve started experiencing a familiar feeling that I hadn’t in a while. The post therapy hangover. What is that you ask? Well let’s talk about it

As a therapist, I see mental health everywhere. I can’t help it, it’s pretty much automatic at this point. I recently watched Pixar’s SOUL and I absolutely loved it because the main character Joe and his journey through the movie speaks to the lived experience of so many people. There were so many parts of the movie that stood out to me and how much they embodied the human experience. If you haven’t watched the movie…. spoilers ahead!  

We are learning more and more about how our mind and bodies are intertwined. Our emotional experiences also include an element of physical experiences. When we are angry we can feel the blood rushing to our face and that overwhelming heat. When we are shocked we can feel the blood draining away from our face and we feel a chill. When we experience anxiety our belly flip flops. When we are excited we can feel our heart racing. Our emotions live in our body and it’s really cool to know how connected our body and mind are! Using this knowledge we can learn how to regulate our body when we are feeling overwhelmed or depressed, or simply in our day to day routine. The more we connect with the physical experience of emotions (as opposed to dissociated from it), the more present we can be in each moment.

It’s been a year. A whole damn year. WTF.

I’m tried. Are you tired? Of course, you are, we all are. Everyone is drained. Every single person across the globe has been impacted by this pandemic. Some have lost family and friends to the virus, other have lost their livelihood, homes, and important milestones. No one has been left unscathed. Some have been impacted more severely than others and the lockdown rules highlight inequality in our society. We have been forced to face several harsh truths. We have had little to no reprieve from this harsh reality, so it is such a shock that we are al burnt out?  

When we talk about safety, we are not talking about feeling calm, relaxed, and comfortable. As humans, we are looking for safety and will make choices that get us closer to that and further away from threat or danger. Safety does not always translate to “feeling good” and does not always guarantee that someone is calm or relaxed when experiencing a sense of safety.  

We want to be there for our children and help them as they grow so that they can become healthy adults. Teaching how to look after mental health is an important skill for children to learn and encompasses a lot of other life skills as well. Children who have high emotional intelligence will be better equipped to work through life’s challenges and can recognize when they are struggling before they reach a crisis. Here are 9 ways you can help your child learn how to look after their mental health.

Do you find yourself in situations where despite recognizing that you need to take time for yourself you end up agreeing to supporting or doing something for someone? Maybe people refer to you as being “too nice” and it may feel difficult to assert your needs. It can be hard for someone with people pleasing habits to recognize what they are doing because they have been this way from a young age. The patter can be difficult to identify because it shapes how we relate to the world.

Living through a pandemic is going to have lasting effects on the collective mental health of the world’s population. It was a heavy year last year, and we still have a long way to go before getting to the other side of this. Sometimes it can be hard to remember times when we were not steeped in uncertainty. It can be hard to let go of our stress and we can often find ourselves drifting in our thoughts even when you are trying to relax. It can help to try and make space for both emotions.

Forgiveness is a complicated subject and it is something many people struggle with. It can be hard to let go of a past hurt and to start working towards building trust with the other person who caused the hurt. What’s interesting is that we are often quicker to forgive others then ourselves. We can hold on to anger, frustration, and resentment towards ourselves much longer then we do when it comes to others who have caused us pain. Why is it so hard to give ourselves kindness and compassion? I know that for myself that it can be hard to allow my heart to open up and give compassion and kindness to myself, so self-forgiveness can sometimes feel impossible.