CHASING HAPPINESS

During sessions I will regularly ask clients about what brought them to my office and so many times I get a response that is along the lines of “I just want to be happy”. That is an understandable desire. A wish to simply to be happy. Many of us believe that once we figure out the secret to being happy no matter what then we will no longer experience any pain and suffering. For those who have experienced significant pain in their lives, I can completely understand the pursuit to chase eternal happiness.

We are taught from a very young ago that if we get good grades, get a good job, find a partner and raise a family, we will find happiness. As someone whose goals align with above mentioned items, I call bullshit, as will probably others who are also working towards similar things. Actually I have some research to back up my claims of bullshit in a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, it was found that a desire to want to be happier was linked with lower psychological health.

Okay, now this seems a bit confusing. How can those who are seeking happiness be suffering even more than those that may not prioritize feelings of happiness. We can understand this by looking at the “backwards law”. “The Backwards law” is the term philosopher Alan Watts used to explain the idea that the more your pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you want to be rich, the poorer you feel, regardless of how much money you make.

The thing with happiness is, like other emotions, it is fleeting. Being happy is not a permanent way of being, it is a temporary state. Chasing happiness all the time is hard work, and trying to see the positive in every terrible things that happens to you can be really invalidating. So here is the thing, if you make your life’s purpose to try and be happy, you are very likely going to fail at it.

So if chasing happiness actually takes you further from your desired goal, what can you do instead? Taking an ACT approach, align with your values, the things that are truly meaningful to you. What gives you a sense of purpose and feeds your passion? When you’re able to answer these questions truthfully and work towards being actively involved in what you love, then you will be gravitating towards joy and satisfaction instead of constantly chasing happiness.