THE POWER OF ACCEPTANCE

When we faced with a challenge or problem in life, our first impulse is to try and fix the situation. We don’t usually think about accepting things as they are because that can feel like giving up in a way. In certain situations however our struggle to accept things as they are can lead to further suffering. This is where the DBT skill of radical acceptance comes in. Radical acceptance is a DBT distress tolerance skill, it is a skill meant to help us cope with painful situation and/or emotions, without having to suffer for a prolonged period of time.

Now I can hear the cries from the back already. What do you mean accept? What kind of nonsense skill is this? Okay, maybe before getting into what radical acceptance is, let’s talk about what it is not. Acceptance is not approval of the suffering, or forgetting and getting over the difficult situation. According to Marsha Linehan, the developer of DBT therapy, “Acceptance rest on letting go of the illusion of control and willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging.” Radical acceptance is a mindful approach to pain which prevents prolonged suffering.

Acceptance is not rolling over and becoming helpless, rather it is an acknowledgement that denying the facts of reality will not change the facts, and will only keep us stuck in thoughts “this is unfair,” and “why me?”.  For example, whether we want to accept it or not, COVID-19 is here and it is scary, but no matter how unfair it is, no matter what life plans you had to change, we cannot change the fact that it is here and is impacting us every day.

By completely and totally accepting a difficult fact even though when it is still hard pill to swallow, we have the chance to focus on what we can control versus what we cannot, which, can be very liberating. Here are the 10 steps on how to practice radical acceptance from DBT.

1.       Acceptance of reality as it is sometimes requires an act of CHOICE.

2.       Breathe mindfully to be in the moment and to help develop a more accepting mindset.

3.       Rehearse in your mind those things that you would do if you really did accept reality as it is.

4.       Practice accepting with your whole self (mind, body, spirit).

5.       Pay attention to body sensations as you think about what you need to accept.

6.       Allow disappointment, sadness or grief to arise within you.

7.       Acknowledge that life can be worth living even when there is pain.

8.       Do pros and cons if you find yourself resisting practicing acceptance.